Oso
I sit behind the gate
and await
your arrival.
Ears pricked
posture strict.
I can hear you
nearby
so what is the delay?
Do you need a bark
to help you on your way?
And then you appear!
One foot over the gate
almost here!
Ears down
anticipating
no more waiting!
Tail waggling
hooray!
You’re here!
Now we can play!
This is a myth I wrote.
THE RISE OF ATHENA
By Willem Ehret
Athena was bored of the other gods. All they cared about was gossip and entertainment, none of them wanted to sit and listen to her talk wisely, or play Trivial Pursuit Architecture Edition. All the nymphs and spirits were all so boring, ghosting around the woods to play lighthearted games of tag.
Athena would spend the day up in her godly workshop. This workshop was nothing like Hephaestus’s forge, full of loud noises, fire, white hot metal– no, not at all. Athena liked to call her neat, air-conditioned space The Laboratory.
And so Athena would spend all the time she could working on blueprints or writings or solving Mount Olympus Times crossword puzzles in The Laboratory.
But she was not motivated by anything lately. Designing the machine that wrote the Mount Olympus Times had been a challenge, but that had been millenia ago, and she felt that her brain had not been fully stimulated for some time. She would simply sip her hot ambrosia and do the crossword, then pace around, making a 3-D model of this, and extracting the DNA of that.
Of course, she was not lonely. No, what a silly idea. She enjoyed her time in The Laboratory. And she didn’t care what the other gods posted about her on social media, or that in the game Battle of Godz she was portrayed as a little freckled girl in pigtails and a school uniform. But sometimes, late at night she knew she did care and she would wish that there were beings out there somewhere that understood what it was like to always need to know why. People who would play Trivial Pursuit Architecture Edition, and admire her work up in The Laboratory. People who would think of her as a great, wise being. People who would name cities after her. People who ask for her architectural advice. People who would design a giant statue of her in a temple, and put it in a great, prominent spot overlooking the city. They would worship her, too. Set a new standard for intelligent life, and make gods look like, well, gods. And so the idea of the human was born.
One day, while in her workshop, Athena decided to make a diagram of what this “human” would look like. And how it would function. And so on and so forth. Athena got caught up in this idea, working late into the night, her mind racing designing the complexities of her ideal being. Of course she would never show this idea of “human” to the other gods. They would laugh, even make fun of her, and Athena was the god of wisdom. She would never stand for being ridiculed, and would avoid this at all costs.
Apollo wore sunglasses, the lenses a cool, reflective gold, and a thick, gold chain around his neck. His hair was long and blond, stirring slightly in the breeze. He wore a deep black t-shirt that read MUSE ROCK in gold letters. For pants he wore long, shiny gold bell-bottomed jeans, and elevated black shoes with a solid block of gold on the bottom. Since Apollo's shoes were god size, the gold blocks weighed about 400 pounds. You couldn’t tell this by the easy way he strode over to a door of fire with a lopsided sign above it that read Apollo’s Place. The door did not send out tendrils of flame like normal fire, but rather was contained by some invisible force. The door was set into a giant dome of gold that reflected the sun so strongly that if you were a mere nymph or ungodly being, you would disintegrate upon such a sight. Apollo liked the way the lopsided sign looked in contrast to the symmetry of the dome. He also liked how gold it all looked. In case you have not yet noticed, Apollo liked all things gold.
Apollo thrust each door of fire open with both hands, and entered into a cavernous space with green mist swirling all around, “Eye of the Oracle” blasting.
Apollo was in a good mood, sauntering over to the edge of what seemed to be a bottomless pit. He flipped off the rim of the chasm, landing perfectly on a circular yoga mat that was positioned on a solid gold column rising up from the gloom. He snatched a remote that seemed to have just appeared in thin air and turned on a huge flatscreen tv. He went to his godly yoga profile, and selected his favorite video.
After he finished his yoga, he decided to ask the Oracle something.
Of course, Apollo was the Oracle, but everyone referred to the Oracle as if it were someone else, for Apollo and the Oracle were just so different. For instance, the Oracle always told the truth, and the Oracle was kind of freaky, and the Oracle didn’t make satyr ears behind the other gods heads when they took a family picture.
But anyway, back to the story. Apollo took off his sunglasses, closed his eyes, inhaled some volcanic gas, and passed out. As he passed out, he had decided to ask how to get his newest music video to 1 million views. At the time, when there were so few beings on the earth, and the majority of the population was nature spirits, and they shunned anything that involved electronics, such a number was huge.
Almost instantaneously his eyelids shot open, and with bright green eyes, he recited, “Go to The Laboratory. Bring the other gods.”
Of course this was before it became popular for oracles to tell the future in the form of insanely complicated rhymes.
Apollo eventually woke up, wondering what on earth The Laboratory was. He asked around, and eventually was enlightened by a geeky satyr with a subscription to the Mount Olympus Times. Unfortunately for the satyr, he tried to show the crossword to Apollo, and deciding the satyr had outlived his usefulness, Apollo vaporized him.
Apollo popped in his earbuds and sauntered along as he sent a group text to all the other gods.
From: Apolloisawesome
To: Everyone except Athena
Meet @ Athenas ASAP! Oracles orders!
Of course, no one could refuse “Oracle’s orders,” so in five minutes everyone was waiting in front of the elevator to The Laboratory, wondering why on earth the oracle had wanted them to meet there.
Apollo took his time getting there, skipping along happily and vaporizing things.
Athena was just putting the finishing touches on one of her “humans.”
It did not resemble what we currently look like in the slightest. It had a square head, a cube of 6', but unlike us it had no real face. On what would have been the front of its face was a small ball covered in miniscule hairs that stuck out on a short rod, which served as a nose. On each face of the head besides the top and bottom, half of a sphere stuck out, serving as eyes. The head of the “human” was set on the body, and would turn smoothly. The body was very small in comparison to the head, a cube of side 10’, just barely big enough for the ridiculously complex workings inside. The legs resembled tank tracks that could hinge to negotiate almost any terrain. The “human” had four arms which were extremely flexible tubes that could extend to lengths of 200’, and could lift most anything. The hands were extremely precise, and could commit most anything to muscle memory within seconds.
If you take your hands, and you imagine that the wrists are fused together so your palms face each other, imagine your pinky fingers are opposable as well as your thumbs, and imagine each finger is exactly 4’ long, then you will have the basic idea of what the original “human” hand looked like.
Except for the hands, its whole body was black to absorb heat from the sun, which it would convert into energy.
It was the ultimate being to Athena’s eyes. She had just stepped back to admire her work, when the other gods walked through the door.
Apollo was very pleased with himself; he was in charge of all the other gods for the moment, and even though the Oracle hadn’t technically ordered the other gods to come and help Apollo get his million views, they had steadily believed him. And now the gods were going to step into Athena’s workshop and make fun of her stupid clothes and whatever stupid things she was doing. Now, as he stepped through the door, he quickly felt his control on the situation slipping.
He had no idea what he was supposed to say and do now that he was standing in front of a very surprised Athena, in a room full of things that were a mystery to him. This was not at all what he had expected. Athena looked so confident in her stylish long gray apron and in a room full of scary looking things, and Apollo could find nothing to make fun of. His eyes found her “human,” and, with no idea where to start, the absolute worst possible thing he could have said spilled straight out of his mouth: “What's that? What does it do? Can I vaporize it?”
Athena could barely process what had just happened. Of all the times the other gods could have dropped in and asked questions of her inventions for her to answer very wisely, they chose now?! She had been about to complete her greatest godly achievement, when her upstart brother with his stupid posse had popped in and volunteered to vaporize it! She had been so close to finishing, but now that all the other gods were here, they would demand to know what it was, and then they would want their own beings, or Zeus would demand she make one for him, and nobody else, and on, and on, and on. So Athena turned all her frustration and worry into sarcastic, demeaning humor and wit, which she felt would compensate for when the other gods would surely steal her idea, and come out on top again. Of course, none of the other gods had actually done anything to her yet, but in her mind they were all malicious scheming devils. All these thoughts had gone through her head in a split second, and she coldly answered Apollo without missing a beat. “No, you can’t. What are you all here for?”
Zeus, standing directly behind Apollo, helpfully supplied the answer. “The Oracle said we should come. Well, Apollo said that the Oracle said we should come.” Zeus had been feeling rather childish, being led by Apollo, and standing in a group with the other gods, not at the head of the line. Answering Athena’s question had made him feel a little better, and now he moved to stand in front of Apollo.
“You fools believed him? The Oracle doesn’t lie, but Apollo lies about what the Oracle says. I’m sure this is all for his personal gain, and he made up the whole part about the Oracle,” Athena said.
Trying to deflect the attention to Apollo, Zeus said, “I’m sure the Oracle didn’t actually say anything and you’re lying.”
Zeus was now feeling rather stupid being belittled by the very god he regularly made fun of. Whenever Athena was required to come for a meeting with the gods, she spoke little and was away as quickly as possible. This was a different side of Athena, new to him and the other gods.
“No I’m not!” said Apollo, realizing how stupid that sounded.
Athena, very unimpressed, leaned on her creation. “Usually you come up with a believable lie, brother, or at least try to make yourself look smooth, but you truly are an idiot.”
Zeus decided that, as the king of the gods, he should do something more than stand in a clump with the other gods. He stepped into the middle of the room, and, trying to change the subject, he said, “Athena, what a wonderful… workshop you have here, with all these little… gadgets.”
“It’s not a workshop, it’s called The Laboratory. Didn’t you read the sign?” said Athena.
After an uncomfortable pause, Zeus, realizing he was still stupidly standing in the middle of the room, and thinking that Athena looked very in control of the situation when she was leaning on something, decided he needed something to lean on as well. There was a table right next to Zeus, so he leaned on that, and reached down to select a fragment of lightning bolt to pick his teeth with. Instead, his arm accidentally turned on the welding machine Athena had just been using, and in his surprise he yanked his arm up. That arm had currently been stroking the handle of his biggest bolt, and in his surprise he clamped onto that, and, in yanking his arm upward, proceeded to create a gaping hole in the ceiling of The Laboratory with his lightning bolt.
“Honestly. I was beginning to think I needn’t have redesigned the electricity in here so you couldn’t short it out, but I guess we should put baby gates and corner protectors up as well.”
A laugh burst out from the crowd of gods. “The people love you, Zeus!” Aphrodite crowed. “I’ve already got like 20,000 likes!”
All eyes turned to her, and everyone realized that she was holding her phone up, recording the whole thing.
“Oh by the way Athena, the people want to know what invention you’re leaning on.”
The thought of proposing this new, dominant being to the public on a social media livestream occurred to Athena, and, realizing how much negative attention that would get, had no idea what to do. Athena was never very good at coming up with things on the spot. What would my mother have done? Wondered Athena.
Her mother had been the titan of wisdom and cunning, and always knew what to do in a tough situation. When the gods and titans went to war, she had allied with the gods. She would have thought, what can I get out of this? And so Athena wondered what she would get out of it if she simply said her invention was a barometer, and the other gods were none the wiser. Well, then she would go back to being silly old Athena, until Zeus found out about her invention, and in his jealousy punished her. No, that wasn’t what she should do. Maybe she could simply keep her invention in The Laboratory, and it would become her friend. No, even if the gods never found out about her invention up there, she would stay silly old Athena, who shyly stayed away from all the other gods. Then Athena had an idea of another path she could take. It was risky, sure, but if it worked, she would no longer be silly old Athena. She said, “Well, I’ll tell you, if you will all play Trivial Pursuit Architectural Edition with me.”
Zeus started to say, “But–”
“No buts,” said Athena
“No butts!” said Ares, giggling.
Athena gave him a glare and he stopped. “Well, if you’re all done here, I guess I’ll show you to the door,” Athena said.
But none of the other gods wanted to leave, for they needed to know what the thing Athena was leaning on was, for that was one of the main differences between gods and titans. Titans lacked curiosity, whereas the thing that made gods gods was curiosity. And so they one by one gave in, swearing on the river Styx that they would play, until all the gods were waiting in an attentive little group.
And so Athena told them all what it was, and of course they were all jealous, and wanted their own. But Athena was prepared for this as well. She shushed all of them, and said, “I am sure you all want your own modifications made on this being. I will grant these, if you will give me something in return. Now make a line.”
And such was her authority in this statement that none of the other gods challenged her.
All the other gods had jockeyed for a spot in line, and Ares had ended up in front. Stepping up to Athena he asked, “What’re we in line for?”
Athena sighed dramatically and said, “You’re all in line to see who can give me the best present. Really Ares, you must pay attention to these things. What were you doing anyway?”
“I was playin’ this really fun game on my phone where you try to kill as many people as you can and everybody else tries to kill you! And then I got distracted when you started talking about butts!” Ares said enthusiastically.
Athena, knowing that sooner or later Ares would figure out he’d been cheated, scribbled in a little clipboard, Makes war with their own species, and a few enjoy potty humor. She was relatively sure that was what Ares would have requested anyway, based on his previous statement. Then she turned to Ares and, raising her voice so all the gods could hear, said, “In return, you, Ares, will give me your best non-bloody armor and spear and you all will respect me as the god of wise and strategic war. Swear this on the river Styx. They all did, Ares more enthusiastically than most, for he felt the world could always use more gods of war and he hated his non-bloody armor, thinking it looked weak, and was constantly looking for a way to get rid of it. And so Athena moved on to the next god in line. Each god added his or her own touch, Hephaestus asking that they would have a knack for crafting with metal, Aphrodite making them basically resemble gods but not be quite as attractive, and have all sorts of love dramas. Each god chose a quality that they thought these humans should have, something that reflected those gods themselves, and in return, Athena acquired IOUs, treasured artifacts, and in general changed her whole reputation. Instead of being silly old Athena, she was now a war god who had invented an amazing new creature.
Finally, it came down to just two gods left in line, Zeus and Apollo. Apollo stepped up first, and he said, “Make them have a great appreciation for music and the arts.”
Athena grudgingly scribbled this down, and tried to think of something that Apollo couldn’t stand to give up, so she could require him to give it in return. After all, he was the one who started this whole mess. And then she had it. “You will have to promise not to vaporize anything for a millennium.”
As expected, Apollo’s face fell, but he still swore it on the river Styx, glumly going over to sit with the other gods.
At last Zeus was the only god left, and he stepped up and said, “Make them smaller. So I can tower over them. Also make sure that if I throw a lightning bolt at them, they will be fried.”
Typical Zeus.
Athena thought long and hard about what she should make Zeus give her. Finally, after much thought, she decided that this was too good an opportunity to forgo for a whim at the moment. And so she turned to Zeus and said, “Someday, there will be something of yours I want and need. When that day comes, you will give it to me.”
And so Zeus swore on the river Styx that he would.
Once Zeus had sworn, all the other gods filtered out, and Athena went to work fulfilling her promises, turning the being into the human we know today.
After a couple hours, Athena’s phone buzzed. It was a text from Apollo
From: Apolloisawesome
To: Athena
Party @ 8 see U there!
Athena smiled and shut her phone. She would definitely be there.
And as you can see Athena’s “human” really took off.
Now, you might be wondering, what happened to that IOU Zeus made? Well, one day Athena decided to take advantage of it. She had been thinking. The other gods respected her, but they didn’t fear her like Zeus was feared. And so one day she marched into the throne room and demanded the Aegis, which is a goatskin shield which had the head of medusa on the front, which was so ugly, it could turn you to stone. So yeah, if someone had the power to turn you to stone, you probably would fear them and try to be extra nice to them.
Now Athena’s reputation is complete, and our story will end here. It makes you wonder though, whether gods were an invention of our imagination, or the other way around.
I'm playing on the Piermont baseball team, since Rivendell didn't have enough players for two teams, and too many for one team, so they had to send some players to Piermont. The home field is only five or ten minutes farther than the Rivendell field, but the team is young for majors, and we have just barely enough people for the field. Also, we haven't won a single game yet.
On Memorial Day we played Haverhill, the easiest team besides our self in the league. They batted first, since it was an away game for them, and let me just say that their first in the order batter is a bit of a character. He's short and chubby, and he walks up to the plate like he's the main attraction, then bends over, putting his left hand above him in a signal for the pitcher to wait, then brings the bat high above his head with his right hand, keeping his left hand in the air this whole time. Then he slams the bat down on the plate, looking at it intently like he's trying to talk to it through his mind. He repeats this process of slamming the bat down maybe... seven times? Watching this from my front row seat as catcher, I can't help being mad at the kid for vandalizing our home plate, overcome with hilarity, and wondering if he was the one who put two holes in Topsham Corinth's home plate.
We did not do well with defense in our first defensive inning, bringing on our turn to bat with five runs scored against us.
I was top of the order, as I have been every game except for the first two. I got a hit, since their pitcher pitched mostly strikes, each with such little velocity he pitched in an arc, with the ball just barely clearing the plate, instead of a straight line like most other pitchers. As I said, I got a hit, a big pop-fly in between second and third, which was easily caught on the fringe of the grass. The next out came when our second batter, Ethan, who's also our other catcher, hit it right up the middle like he always does, if a bit into right field, and made it to second. He then stole third, sliding in only to be "accidently" pushed off by the third baseman, who tagged him. I don't know how our third out came, but I'm guessing it was from our third batter, since I don't remember anyone getting on base for our team in the first inning.
Ethan was pitching for the first two innings, then Ellis (the coach's kid and our fourth batter, who's my friend) was pitching for the next two innings. In the third inning the coach put me on first, instead of having me as catcher. I hadn't been expecting to be put on first, I thought I would either catch again or pitch, so I was a bit surprised. The coach thought I was surprised because I never played first and didn't know what to do. I did know what to do from watching Ellis (also our normal first baseman). The coach reassured me anyway, telling me I'd do fine and didn't have to worry.
That inning I got a ground ball hit right to me while another player was still on first. I single-handedly performed a double play, easily tagging the hesitant player on first and stepping on first base for the force out. I got the third out for the inning when a ground ball was hit right to me again, letting me easily tag first while the runner had barely gotten halfway there.
Then I pitched in the fifth and sixth innings, after I played first one more time in the fourth. By the end of the fifth inning the score was seven to eight, with Haverhill still in the lead. Haverhill had scored their three more points in the second, third, and fourth innings, none in the fifth. The first two outs in the fifth came when Ellis caught one ball that must have been something like one hundred feet in the air. I caught a weaker one, which was longer than the first, which had only gone forty feet. I struck out the next batter.
The top of the sixth inning was a one (pause while Haverhill gets one person on base) two-three inning. The batter who got on base stole to third, but was prevented from stealing home, thanks to a couple of Ethan's superb catches when I threw way outside of the strike zone.
In the bottom of the sixth the starting order was the three last batters, also the three least-experienced batters. The second-to-last batter is in third grade, even though a third grader should be in minors, not majors. The third-to-last has a really powerful swing, but bad luck, so that whenever he connects with the ball, it hits the very bottom of the bat, and stops a foot in front of the plate. The last batter just... well, he'll swing at most pitches, since he and his Grandma have a deal that if he swings he'll get a Fortnite card. (Fortnite is some game that a bunch of kids and adults like, but other than that, I have no earthly clue what a Fortnite card is.) The only pitches he doesn't swing at, he either bunts, or almost gets hit with, turning the wrong way and exposing his face and front, instead of his back.
After those three in the order, it's me, our first batter. In other words, if one of them gets on base, I'm up. If all three get out, well then boom, game's over, we lost. Our third-to-last batter struck out. Our second-to-last batter got walked. (This would have been more of a victory if I hadn't known him to steal even when the catcher catches the ball, easily throws it to second, where the second baseman tags him when he steps off the base.) There have also been multiple times when he's just barely stayed safe, stealing third and home, along with his accomplice, our last batter. Our last batter struck out too.
Two outs. Seven to eight. Last inning. This is just the sort of time when the main character in a sports book gets two strikes, then miraculously wins the game for their team. Guess what? I got two strikes. I believe that one was a foul, which meant I could hit off this pitcher. I already knew that. Next pitch, I slammed it way into left field. The second-to-last batter, who was now on second, could have made it home. He stubbornly stayed on second, the little &%#@!. Ethan made it to two strikes, then fouled all the other balls way over the backstop and into the pasture across the road where we lose all our balls. Then he slammed it into centerfield, getting a reluctant-to-run-home second-to-last batter home, but still only at the third base coach's urging. Ethan also hit me to third, getting himself a double and an RBI.
Our third batter got two strikes and three balls on her, full count. Then a fourth ball that the catcher couldn't catch, letting me steal home safely, winning the game.
I came into the dugout and everyone started slamming my helmet, and everyone was jostling everyone else, celebrating. One of the heartiest slammers, Ethan (who by the way has been known to ask me "what do you like better, this..." He goes dink dink dink on my helmet. "Or this?" He goes SLAM! SLAM! SLAM!) comes around well I have my helmet only half way off, and asserts his extreme delight with one of his biggest slams. It was totally awesome.
Afterwards we went out for ice cream. (This was due to persistent convincing on my part.) This was the first time we had gone out to ice cream after a home game, and my mom was not very impressed when my assurances of the company of the rest of my team came to us and two other people buying something at the store. The whole rest of the team came, as a matter of fact, except for one. I had fun with Ethan and Ellis and Elias and everyone else there who wasn't sitting seriously and eating their ice cream. (Elias is our most consistent pitcher, I do better than him when I'm having a good night pitching, but most of the time he does a little or a lot better than me, depending on how I'm pitching, not how he is. The only reason we didn't use him that game was that he had pitched a bunch during our game with Rivendell, and the league rules said he had to rest.)
Like I said, it was totally awesome.
I just recently took apart my Lego British Royal Navy fort, since I had had it out for a while, and I wanted to use the gray blocks for something else. I turned it into a fort that guarded a river from Scandinavian (Viking) raids.
I built two towers, one for each side, and on the lowest platform in the middle I put four entirely wooden spears at even intervals that pointed down. In between the spears I put three shields that had lion faces on them, the one in the middle bigger than the other two on each side. Then behind them I put the defenders, two out of the three in the front with additional shields. I put two defenders in the second row, where I could have squeezed in three defenders; but that way I have enough armor and weapons left so that if any of the defenders were injured or killed, I could replace them with another fully armed soldier and not have to take weapons and armor from another soldier.
On the right tower I had one rank of one archer and one crossbowmen. (I couldn't fit any more archers on the same tower without the second rank having to shoot straight through the first, and I was also clean out of bows and crossbows.)
On the other tower (which I'm pretty proud of) I built I giant crossbow somewhat like the Mangler all on my own. (The Mangler is the giant crossbow fixed on the prow of the Heron, which is Hal's ship in The Brotherband Chronicles.) I made it out of three sticks with clips on the end that stuck up in a triangle. The back two sticks in the triangle held up two horizontal sticks attached to make one stick, a chain attached to each end of the extra long stick. The two chains connected on the other end, and you could stick a spear made out of all wood into the two chain ends, rest the middle of the spear on the connecter for the two sticks, clipping the end of the spear onto the stick at the point of the triangle. I put two 2x2 brown bricks in the middle of the triangle so that the Mangler 2.0 didn't look as flimsy as it was. I also had a barrel behind it with three of the spear-projectiles sticking out of it, and a guy in a plain gray cuirass manning it.
I also made banks along the river out of silt and dirt, in other words tan, dark tan, and brown bricks, with the classic green oval with three leaves coming out of it all over the sides of the bank. I attached a green platform to each bank which I put trees on so that it looked like the river was below the normal level of the ground, which was actually there, not just like, "Yup, this is the edge of the river, the bank goes up... and then the bank stops and there isn't much beyond that."
For the Scandinavian longship, I took the seats and flag out of a pirate rowboat, keeping the cutlass that had been thrust upside down through the part in front of the boat where a round block size opening was, so that they could cut other ships in half. Now I had a Scandinavian shortship, and all I had to do was man it with four berserkers, three of which with Lego Ron hair, which by the way works really well for Scandinavians, or anyone with red beards for that matter. The other one had a Scandinavian helmet, with the horns taken out. Whoever made those Scandinavians must not have done their research, since Scandinavians never had horned helmets. Some Russian opera writer had written a play that depicted female Scandinavians with helmet that had feathers sticking out, so for the male Scandinavians to match he gave them horns on their helmets, and it stuck, resulting in the Lego Scandinavians with the un-historically accurate horns that we have today.
Overall I think I did a pretty good job arming and armoring both sides, and the fort is now officially ready for battle.
